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shut that door
GRRRRRR i am steaming today. i got home yesterday and Tn and Josh
were busy playing the playstation (mind you, they looked like they were
having an excellent time. i have to admit it's really really nice to
see josh so animated and he and his dad having such a good time on a
more equal level (as opposed to Tony the authoritarian parent - as is
his tendency, and Josh the subservient son)
and i got on with stuff (read more of Muhammad Asad's The Road to Mecca)
for an hour or so (since i had been very busy this week tidying and
clearing and cleaning, the room was actually very pleasant to be in for
a change). Tn later cooked and we ate. the mood was cheery and
jovial. Josh was chirpy, Tn was chirpy. it was generally very nice.
I
had to admit i was feeling a little put out over the bank holiday
weekend, since i felt a little put upon. i had been handling my TMA03
(the report on two experiments) and had been working on that (and 99%
finished it at 5.30am Monday morning, which was a miracle) and yet i
still seemed to be doing all the housework (well, Tn did cook and he
cleared the bombsite of a living room, too) but i did the kitchen after
the roast, i cleaned the bathroom, i tidied the bedroom, i cleared the
hallway, i put the laundry away, put on a new load, hung it out, i did
the house-plants and cleaned the balcony. actually, out of all that,
the only thing that TRULY annoyed me was how long the washing up after
the roast had been left. i was engrossed in my TMA and so had no time
to do it, and so it festered in the sink and no one thought of even
clearing the plates of left-overs. the beer cans of Tn and Josh were
mounting, the living room was again turning into a tip and i felt like
i was the only one who was doing non-fun stuff.
i was kinda
angry but dealing with it ok (by NOT dealing with it, jut ignoring it,
actually) and i'm on the computer, burning Cds for Josh and there was a
loud slam. must have been the front door and i suddenly realise i must
have left the door not quite closed to the click. the draft from the
open bedroom window may have pulled it open and then closed it loudly.
Tn had already mentioned to me a few days earlier that i've tended to
not close the door properly and he doesn't like it, rather i should
lock it. fair enough, at the time i made a mental note to remember to
do this. obviously today i had forgotten, but then Tn comes into the
room and mentioned the loud slam and then said something like: " i've
told you many times nicely, when will you learn to close the fucking
door".
i dont know if it's cos i am oversensitive, since i
don't use language like that, but i certainly do not appreciate being
sworn at and spoken to like that. as far as i am concerned, it does not
matter HOW many times you remind someone to do something (i only recall
him telling me once) but it NEVER gives you the right to speak to them
like THAT. i consider such language to be used to me to be utterly
inappropriate and unacceptable, and yet at the time i was too shocked
to say anything. i just breathed in and turned back to the computer,
absolutely seething. (ordinarily i would have apologised, but i was too
shocked at the language used)
i forgot, ok, i simply forgot!!!! there was no malice, no intent.
and swearing at me is just not a nice thing to do.
maybe i am over-reacting... but i would never swear at ANYONE. it's not polite, shows disrespect.
i
worry that Tn has no respect for me. him talking to me like that does
not help, particularly after i'd been nominated skivvy of the week.
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1.6.04 17:17
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TMA03
i have finally finished my TMA03. unlike the previous TMAs (all essays)
i found this one quite a pleasure to do. the structure is pre-set, so i
dont have to worry about that, most of it is descriptive and the
discussion section was a critique of the limitations of th experiment.
something i am good at... my only concern now is that it is not what is
asked for in there, and i will lose marks for it.
i
also noted i made a mistake. i put my box plots in the 'inferential
statistics' section of my appendices... they are actually descriptive...
oops.
the sense of accomplishment is great. i feel really energised now.
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1.6.04 17:18
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housework
Tn and Josh spent more time on the playstation. i'm still a bit
annoyed with how Tn spoke to me but i'm ignoring it... except i
notice i am less lovey-dovey with Tn. Having said that, it may be
because he is spending so much time with Josh i am more excluded than
usual. i am accustomed to Tn's generally undivided attention and i'm
not getting that, but oddly that does not bother me at all. i'm not the
in the slightest bit resentful of being kinda shut out... but that is
probably because neither of them are actually shutting me out. they
actually involve me in conversations and game plans when i am there...
i tend to choose to be away, if anything. so that is probably why there
is no resentment.
i
do seem to be doing all the chores, though. and not only that, but this
extra work goes entirely unnoticed, and so i am in no doubt that next
time he feels he is doing more than his fair share, i will be hauled
over the coals for not doing my share.
the washing up, ugh, i
do it without fail now. i do it until the sink shines. When Tony does
it, he leaves the stuff to dry on the draining board, whereas i wash,
dry and put away, clean the sink and get it sparkling (as FlyLady
suggests) and now i feel it's important. it's frustrating that he does
not do it to this standard, i don't expect him to and for this reason i
have taken the washing up as being 'my chore'. only trouble is, it is a
daily chore. he may say he does the hoovering instead, but he has not
done so once this week. he may claim he cleans the bathroom but that
takes all of five minutes and is not a daily chore, either.
but
i have taken the washing up as my job and i guess i should shut up and
stop complaining... i guess i just wish it was more highly valued for
the work i put into it. i spend anything up to an hour doing it and i
do it to completion, cleaning the kitchen and sweeping the floor to
finish and i do this every night (except twice now).
i
casually mentioned today that since he is off Friday, would he run the
hoover over the carpet, since it badly needed doing, including the
bathroom and bedrooom, adding 'now that the jumble sale (-his term-) is
gone from my side of the bed' to put myself down a bit.
hmm last night after work i
cleared out (dejunked) the hallway
cleaned the front door
updated the budget spreadsheet
watered the plants
put away the dry laundry
cooked tn's rice (burned it)
cooked more rice and my sausages
washed up
dried up
shined my sink
cleaned the surfaces
swept the kitchen floor
mopped the kitchen floor
cleaned out the hammies and left the bits on the carpet (deliberately)
all while Tn did battle with things evil on the playstation with josh.
speaking
of rice, Tn did some and it turned into mush, so he asked me to do
some for him, which i did. but i forgot and it burned
second time
around i put the rice on and next thing i know, he is in the kitchen
stirring it. GAAAAAAARGH! DON'T STIR IT!!!!!! and he said it was done.
i told him it wasn't but he said it was burning at the bottom,since the
water was gone. i told him 'it LOOKS like it's gone, you gotta trust
me' but he dished up anyway.
he would not immediately admit it,
but he commented that there was water in the bottom and the rice was
still a bit hard inside... i
HA! HA! this called for an "i told you so" but i didn't...
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3.6.04 17:14
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